Boundaries and self-esteem seem to go hand in hand. Clients with a strong sense of themselves and healthy self-esteem have an easier time setting AND ENFORCING their boundaries. When clients struggle with boundaries, very often they are struggling with their own sense of worth. Once they start setting and enforcing their boundaries, self-esteem begins to rise. Additionally, when they value themselves, their time, and their experiences, they won’t let others walk all over them. It’s not about being harsh, prideful, or walking all over others. It’s caring for yourself enough to say “enough” when needed.
Over the years of working with clients, challenges with boundaries seem to fall into 3 main categories:
Tough conversations when needing to set or enforce boundaries
Have you ever needed to set a boundary with someone close to you? That can be one of the more challenging things for you to do. Instead of saying what needs to be said do you ignore the subject? When you avoid these tough conversations, resentments and tolerations arise. Unresolved feelings of resentment lead to guilt. This becomes a vicious cycle that can really damage relationships and lead to bursts of anger that show up at inappropriate times. This further creates a pattern of not dealing healthfully with conflicts at the time they need to be handled further straining relationships.
Have you ever needed to set a boundary with someone close to you? That can be one of the more challenging things for you to do. Instead of saying what needs to be said do you ignore the subject? When you avoid these tough conversations, resentments and tolerations arise. Unresolved feelings of resentment lead to guilt. This becomes a vicious cycle that can really damage relationships and lead to bursts of anger that show up at inappropriate times. This further creates a pattern of not dealing healthfully with conflicts at the time they need to be handled further straining relationships.
Boundaries with time
The word “No” has gotten a bad rap! Contrary to what many people believe, saying no is not rude; it doesn’t mean you aren’t a team player; or that you are being selfish. Sometimes telling someone no is the BEST thing to do for THEM!
The word “No” has gotten a bad rap! Contrary to what many people believe, saying no is not rude; it doesn’t mean you aren’t a team player; or that you are being selfish. Sometimes telling someone no is the BEST thing to do for THEM!
Consciously choose what it is you say YES to. Will saying yes allow you to honor your values, utilize your strength or natural abilities, or align with your goals? Or do you say yes and add more to your plate because you feel guilty or that you SHOULD say yes? Saying yes to the wrong things also generates resentment, anger, frustration, and the feeling you’re being used.
Boundaries with constant complainers
Have you ever had someone in your life that seems to do nothing but constantly complain whenever you are together or talk? This can be a tremendous energy drainer. Additionally, the negative talk can be contagious. Very often the issue has nothing to do with you and you aren’t part of the solution, they are just constantly venting, spewing their negative talk.
Have you ever had someone in your life that seems to do nothing but constantly complain whenever you are together or talk? This can be a tremendous energy drainer. Additionally, the negative talk can be contagious. Very often the issue has nothing to do with you and you aren’t part of the solution, they are just constantly venting, spewing their negative talk.
A healthy self esteem is beneficial to you and the relationships with those around you.
If you struggle with setting boundaries in any or all of the three categories listed above, you will benefit from the upcoming teleseries, Relationships from the Inside Out, I’m hosting with Jeanine Mackintosh beginning Wednesday, April 14th. Jeanine will share three keys to building positive self esteem. Get more details here.
0 comments:
Post a Comment