5 keys to creating a more positive attitude

By Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach

I was reminded about the importance of choosing a good attitude at a High Tea and women's networking event I attended earlier this year. The feature speaker, Laurie Nelson from Family Services, did a great job of sharing some benefits of a positive attitude and how to work towards creating one. Here are the 5 key highlights I took away from her talk:

You’ll feel better
A positive attitude makes you feel better, more energetic, and people are more drawn to being around you. Some studies have shown that a positive attitude can help fight disease. Laurie quoted that optimists are 55% less likely to die than elderly pessimists. Even if these statistics are only half true, it would still be worth choosing a positive attitude!

We believe what we repeatedly hear
Laurie reminded us that our brains are wired to believe what we repeatedly hear, whether it’s positive or negative. That’s why affirmations are a great way to work on changing our attitude. Affirmations can be used to positively influence negative feelings, thoughts and emotions.

OK, if you were watching late night TV in the 90’s thoughts of Al Franken’s Saturday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley, are probably coming to mind, “I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!”? Sure, he provided a great chuckle, but say that sentence aloud in front of your mirror every day and see what kind of changes it can make in your confidence. As a bonus, I bet it makes you smile! Maybe that’s not the right affirmation for you, but you get the idea!

Affirmations really do work. They change us on a cellular level. They serve as visualizations for what we want to do in our own life and set the intention to reach it. When repeated, they help us focus and create a sense of expectation about accomplishing what we confess. It creates stronger beliefs and helps rewire our brains to I CAN and I WILL if said regularly with a strong belief. Language is very powerful and we believe what we continually say.

Change YOUR tune
Garbage in, garbage out!! Affirmations are a terrific way to put more good stuff in. Here are 5 elements of a good affirmation to help you in creating your own:

1. Affirmations must be specific & measurable (just like a good goal)
2. Make it personal (“I…” or “I am…”)
3. Use the present tense
4. State your affirmation in the positive for a positive outcome
5. SUPER CHARGE your affirmation by adding EMOTIONS and feelings

Don’t forget to write them down and say them aloud!

Choose happiness…
Make a habit of associating with happy successful people. Just like our Moms told us, “You become like those you associate with!”

While we can't change some of our situations, we CAN choose how we respond to them. Reframing less desirable circumstances in a positive way can help us learn from the experience and look for hidden opportunities.

Your Guilt-Free Assignment (should you wish to accept it)
Pick one of the goals you’ve been struggling to achieve and see if you have any attitudes or beliefs that could be holding you back. Once identified, use the 5 elements above and create your own affirmation to counter that belief. Commit to choosing happiness and reciting your affirmation at the beginning and end of each day. Let me know how it’s going after a few days or a week. 

If you are still struggling, let me know. I have a few more tricks up my sleeve for turning around affirmations that aren’t quite working for you.

5 Keys to Creating a More Positive Attitude © 2009, 2010 Victoria Cook. All Rights Reserved.

7 Tips for Creating a Professional Image that Works for You

By Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach 

As a professional or business owner, you know people make a snap judgment about you in the first 30 seconds they meet you. No, it’s not necessarily fair to judge a book by its cover, but it is the reality. Below are some tried and true simple things you can do to ensure your professional image works for you and not against you:

1. Neatness counts!

Make sure your clothes are neat and tidy, have all their buttons, and don’t have stains. Ensure your clothes are pressed so it doesn’t appear as though you’ve just rolled out of bed.

2. Shop Fit NOT Size

Even the most expensive clothes can create a poor first impression if they don’t fit properly. The average person should have 2 – 3 different sizes in their closet at any one time. No, I’m not talking about your “fat” or “thin” clothes. Each manufacturer cuts their garments differently than the next. Expensive designers also use the trick of cutting their clothes bigger so that the average sized person wears a smaller size in their garment. Make certain to purchase clothes that don’t pull at the pants pockets or around the waistline. If you are petite, expect to have most of your pants and jacket sleeves altered. It’s worth the investment!

3. Designers Not Necessary

It isn’t necessary to wear all designer duds to look professional. A moderately priced suit in a wool or gabardine blend can look “expensive” if properly accessorized. Grow your wardrobe by choosing key classic pieces. Men, put your money into your ties. A less expensive suit with a more expensive, sharp tie looks great. Ladies, invest in a year-round weight suit or separates for easy mix and match. Refined fabrics are best. Skip the machine washable suits! Pair your suit with a great broach or scarf to show off your personality.

4. These Boots Are Made For More Than Walking

There’s nothing worse than seeing a sharply dressed professional and then getting to the bottom of the look to see tattered shoes. Guys shine ‘em and make sure your belts match. Ladies, make sure your shoes are in good repair and replace the heels (or the shoes) if needed, don’t walk around on nails. It’s unattractive AND dangerous (I know!).

The other area many women miss is hosiery. You want to wear hose that are the same color value or darker than your skirt and shoes. A good rule to follow is 2 of the 3 (hemline, hose, and shoes) need to match. That said; don’t walk out the door wearing a red skirt, nude hose and black shoes.

5. Business Casual Doesn’t Equal Sloppy

Today many businesses have adopted a “Business Casual” dress code. If you are meeting clients at their site, you don’t want to be too over dressed or look sloppy. A sharp pantsuit for the ladies or dress pants with a casual shirt and blazer for men are great choices. If you are meeting in an even more casual environment (on the golf course perhaps) make sure your pants are crisply pressed and you have on a shirt with a collar. A belt and nice casual shoes (vs. tennis shoes) help pull the outfit together for a more “finished look”.

6. The Eyes Have It!

When a person looks you in the eyes you can tell they’re sincere. That’s why it’s important that you make it easy for your clients to look YOU in the eyes. Don’t wear loud patterns or overpowering colors. Choose colors and shades that best compliment your skin tone. If you’re not sure what those are, find a professional who can help you (contact me if you need a good referral). Everything you wear should help bring the attention to your face, not draw people towards looking at your belt buckle or chunky necklace.

7. Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Hair trends come and go and if you are a hair stylist, your style should reflect that. Otherwise, choose a style that compliments your face shape and fits into your lifestyle. If you are a guy who is “folically challenged”, whatever you do DON’T comb it over. Embrace your extra forehead and the fact that many guys willingly shave their heads as a fashion statement. You’re in and don’t even know it. Men also need to be weary of excess facial hair and the unibrow. While there is a lot of talk about “metrosexuals” and men looking too feminine, no one wants to look at a caterpillar above your eyes. Find a salon (yes I said a salon) and have your brows “cleaned up”. You won’t walk out with pencil shaped brows looking like a woman, I promise you. The same goes for you ladies. Keep your brows neat as well.

Lastly, Let Your Personality Show

We are all unique individuals. Let that show through your style. Don’t dress like a conservative accountant if you are the Managing Director of a dance troupe. It’s important to look professional, but you also need to “look the part!

About the Author
Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach, helps professional women accomplish big goals guilt-free, Feeling frustrated and overwhelmed? Get free resources for increasing your time and reducing stress so you can accomplish YOUR big goal at http://www.theguiltfreecoach.com.

7 Tips for Creating a Professional Image © 2005 - 2009 Victoria Cook. All rights reserved.

10 Tips to Reduce Stress & Guilt

By Victoria Cook , The Guilt-Free Coach

Stress and guilt seem to go hand-in-hand. As a professional woman, there seems to be plenty of both to go around! Below are a couple of quick tips that can greatly reduce feelings of stress and guilt and create greater life harmony. 

 

1. Consciously choose what you want to do

When you say “Yes” to one thing, you are automatically saying “No” to something else. Think about that the next time a request comes your way and be conscious about what it is you’ll need to say “No” to in order to say yes.

2. Let go of the need to conform to the expectations of others

A dear friend of mine recently said that turning 40 was liberating in that she no longer felt the need to please anyone! Why wait until you’re 40 (or 50 or 60 etc.) to begin making decisions that are in the best interest of you and your family?

3. Create a balanced view for your life

Take into account your season of life. Are you currently a corporate climber or business owner growing your business? Do you have young children? Older children (seasoned parents say kids need you MORE in the teen years than you think they will)? Are you an empty nester? Take these things into consideration as you create your vision for a balanced life. Ensure your own expectations match up with the reality of your life situation.

4. Say Yes to the RIGHT things

It’s not about saying no to everything but evaluating your response to make the best decision for you AND the requester. If saying yes to a request is going to add a level of excitement, energy or fulfillment to your life (even if it means taking away some of that precious time), it’s likely something you’ll want to accept. In contrast, saying yes to a request that will create feelings of resentment, being used, and drains on your energy aren’t in your best interest or that of the requester.

5. Care for your body, mind and spirit

I know, it SOUNDS selfish, but in reality if you aren’t at your best, how can you GIVE your best? Do something for your body, mind, and spirit on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis and watch your energy increase! This leads to a happier person / parent / spouse / employee and benefits everyone!

6. Set clear boundaries

Boundaries and self esteem seem to go hand in hand. Through the work I’ve done, I find when a client has a strong sense of themselves and healthy self esteem they have an easier time setting AND ENFORCING their boundaries. When a client struggles with boundaries, very often they are struggling with their own sense of worth. When they value themselves, their time, their experiences, they won’t let others walk all over them. It’s not about being harsh or walking all over others, but caring for ourselves sufficiently to say “enough” when needed.

7. Use your values as the tie breaker between competing goals or events

Values are not morals or principles. Values are who we really are. They represent our unique selves and shape your actions. Values are our true north and serve as a compass to make sure we are headed the right direction in our life.

When the choice is hard or feels like a tie, the option that best supports your values will be most satisfying in the long run. So take a look at the difficult choice and identify the options and what values are honored by each. Choose the option that honors your highest value. Need help identifying your values? See the Values List on my website.

8. Remove tolerations

Tolerate is defined by Encarta Dictionary as, “to be willing to allow something to happen or exist”, “to withstand the unpleasant effects of something”. By tolerating things, we are allowing that unpleasantness to continue creating more stress and guilt.
You are likely putting up with more than you think. Tolerations can be minor like a button needing to be sewed on; a pile of papers on your desk needing to be filed; a stack of mail to be sorted, or some minor home repairs needing to be checked off the honey-do list! OR, tolerations can be BIG ones like an unfulfilling job, a toxic relationship, or a micro managing boss.

Raising your awareness of these tolerations and articulating them brings them to the forefront of your mind and you’ll naturally start handling, eliminating, fixing, growing through and resolving them.

9. Play to your strengths, talents, & passion

There are those things you KNOW you are good at. You’re the person people turn to JUST for that talent or strength. When faced with a request or the need to make some choices, choosing to take on a new task, role, or projects that allow you to use your natural strengths and abilities will cause less stress and can add feelings of fulfillment to your life.

For me, numbers don’t come easy! But I naturally connect well with people and easily make decisions (my siblings would call it bossy! LOL!). I’m NOT the ideal candidate to be treasurer of the PTO, but using my leadership abilities to connect with other business owners and Co-Chair the Small Office Home Office group at my chamber plays to MY strengths. I end up enjoying what I do and it shows. Versus saying yes to a request to do something that doesn’t come naturally can create a sense of resentment and the task becomes a burden.

10. Hire a coach!

OK, I KNOW I’m biased, but I also speak from personal experience! I hired MY first coach before ever thinking it was a career option for me. In fact, I didn’t really even know about the profession of coaching when I met Elene, by divine intervention, scrapbooking!

Initially, I came to coaching for insight and assistance during a career transition.  What I ended up getting was a greater understanding of myself and what was important to me and how to tie THAT into my next career move. I also learned how to better manage my time, reduce stress and guilt, and motivate myself for continuous success. Not only did I choose a new career and pursue it, I used what I learned through my coaching to create a fulfilling and joyful personal life. Don’t get me wrong, my life isn’t always a “bed of roses”, but I try to enjoy the journey and like that I have a plan and tools and strategies to realize it.

Here are some additional ways coaching can be of benefit to success-oriented individuals:

Business / Career
• Gain clarity about business and career goals
• Improve decision making ability
• Advance your career or business
• Improve time-management skills
• Sustain focus on your top priorities
• Make and keep more money
• Reduce isolation, have a supportive person for a sounding board and accountability

Personal Life
• Get to the source of problems quickly
• Balance your business and personal life
• Re-design your life to make it the way you really want it
• Enhance self-confidence
• Get past personal blind spots
• Overcome fears & procrastination
• Enhance health, energy and performance

When you visit my website you'll find the various ways in which we can work together or contact me at 847-516-0190 to discuss how coaching can help you accomplish what you most desire!


About the Author
Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach, helps professional women accomplish big goals guilt-free, Feeling frustrated and overwhelmed? Get free resources for increasing your time and reducing stress so you can accomplish YOUR big goal at http://www.theguiltfreecoach.com.

10 Tips to Reduce Stress & Guilt © 2005 - 2009 Victoria Cook. All rights reserved.

Are you changing for good?

By Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach

I’ve been reading the book “Changing For Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward” (Authors James O. Prochaska, PH.D., John C. Norcross, PH.D., and Carlo C. Diclemente, PH.D.).  I first heard about it from a colleague who said it would be a good book for me to read to better understand how and why people change.  As a coach, that’s one of the BIG things I work on with my clients…CHANGE; whether it’s changing their habits for greater success, changing their marketing for a clearer message and more business, or changing personally for growth and greater fulfillment. 

I hope to enlighten you, as my reading has done for me, and encourage you to not give up too early on your changes. Below I've summarized the six well-defined stages of change as outlined by the authors:

Precontemplation – Precontemplators resist change.

In this stage there is generally no recognition of the problem or intention to change. On the outside, others may see the problem very clearly, but the precontemplator cannot. Often precontemplators don’t want to change but rather desire those around them to change instead.

Contemplation – In this stage the problem is recognized, but the contemplator isn’t quite ready to move into action.

When in this stage, a person acknowledges they have a problem and begin to think seriously about changing it.  They may even have plans for taking action within the next six months, but no actual commitment to do so. When transition begins to occur from this stage of change to the next, a person begins focusing more on the solution vs. the problem and thinking more about the future instead of dwelling on the past.

Preparation – Plans for action are being put in place and being made public.

The person in the preparation phase may appear to be ready for action, but they may still need to convince themselves that taking action is what’s best for them.  They are often already beginning to make small behavioral changes.  Their awareness of the problem is high and they are anticipating the changes and action to come.


Action – Now habits are modified and fears confronted! This stage is the only time a person makes progress for overcoming their problem.

During the action phase of change, “…a person makes the move for which they’ve been preparing.”  Action is visible to those around them. Encouragement and support are critical at this stage.  This is the busiest stage and takes a great deal of commitment of time and energy.  However, this stage does NOT complete the changes.

Maintenance – For change to be permanent, previous gains attained must be combined and lapses or relapses prevented.

The authors are quick to point out that, “change never ends with action…in fact [maintenance] is a critically important continuation that can last from as little as six months to as long as a lifetime.  Without a strong commitment to maintenance, there will surely be relapse, usually to the precontemplation or contemplation stage.”

Termination – This is the ultimate goal for all changers.

In this stage, the problem is no longer present any temptation or threat.  There is complete confidence that lasting change has been made without fear of relapse. The key indicator a person is ready for termination is if they are able to maintain their change without any continuing effort on their part.  If so, they are ready to exit the cycle of change and have won over their struggle.

Through their in depth research, the authors are quick to point out that every move from one stage of change to the next represents considerable progress.  They note, “If, after years of avoiding a problem, you consciously begin to acknowledge it exists, and think seriously about changing it, the transition from precontemplation to contemplation is no less significant than from preparation to action.” Action is certainly important, however, it is not the LAST step in the cycle. The danger here is equating action with change. Remember, there are still two whole stages to completing the change cycle after action takes place.  Simply identifying where you are in the various stages of change can greatly improve your chances of taking effective action and making long term change.

Over the years I’ve worked on some of my own change, sometimes successfully and other times, not so much. At times this has left me, personally, feeling a bit like a failure. What I’m learning, by reading this enlightening book, is that these stages of change take place over a period of time. In order to successfully change, we actually have to go through each stage. I mistakenly thought you recognize a problem, decide to change it, take the action and you’re done. I hope you now see, as I do, there is much more to it than that!

Your Guilt-Free Assignment (should you wish to accept it)

Now YOU know that change is a process. If you aren't yet where you want to be now you know it's because you haven’t yet gone through each stage. If you’re serious about making some changes:

1. Identify one change or habit you want to make, that will enhance your life or further your goal, you have yet to accomplish. 
2. Review the stages of change and identify which stage you are currently in as it relates to making this change.  Be honest with yourself. 
3. In a journal, notebook, or on the computer, write out the previous stages you've already gone through and what you experienced in each. Make not of anything that was particularly helpful to you in progressing to the next stage. 
4. Look ahead to which stage of change is next for you.  Write down your thoughts on that stage and anything that comes to mind that raises your awareness of what’s next or helps you move that direction.
   

Now we know, change takes time…6 stages in fact!  If you’re ready to make some change and could benefit from someone walking along side you through the process, I’m happy to help! Visit my website to learn the various ways in which we can work together to help you make the changes needed to reach your BIG goals!

 

Are You Changing For Good? © 2009, 2010 Victoria Cook. All Rights Reserved.

3 Keys to Getting and Staying in Action

By Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach

At the beginning of the year my colleague, Tammy Cook, and I conducted two 2-hour teleclasses on making this your best year ever.  It was chock-full of meaty content, simple strategies, and some terrific step-by-step information.  Despite all the details, almost universally, attendees said they found the idea of breaking things down into “baby steps” to be the MOST useful!

It’s easy to be overwhelmed by the big picture or larger goal.  Even breaking goals down into milestones and individual tasks can leave you feeling stuck.  When you begin to feel that way, just think about taking baby steps.

Take one step and break it down EVEN SMALLER!
One of my clients is working on writing a very large paper for some advanced credentialing in her field.  She did her planning and realized she would need to write one chapter each week in order to make her deadline. She broke that down further and identified the subject for each chapter so she knew in advance how to focus her thoughts when she sat down to work.  Despite having broken things down, she still wasn’t making the progress desired.

What we discovered was that she felt limited in getting it done because she felt she needed large blocks of time to do this work.  Due to her long work hours and changing shifts, this was a real challenge.

So, we broke things down into even smaller steps.  After doing a chapter she realized she had a 4-step process she followed that includes gathering her current data, research, speaking with colleagues, and summarizing her findings.  NOW she had some baby steps she could take throughout the week in smaller increments of time...and she was able to get it done!

Implement one new habit that will help forward your action
A baby step can come in the form of a new habit.  For example, if your goal is to lose 30 pounds in the next 7 months and you haven’t exercised in years, a baby step could be taking the stairs instead of the elevator. Or, you could commit to working out for ONE MINUTE every day like my friend’s sister did.  Becky is a mom of three under the age of 3 and wanted to improve her health.  So she committed to working out for just one minute.  What she’s found is that even she can find one minute each day to exercise and, once she’s moving, she often works out even longer.

The key is not to radically change your entire lifestyle, but form one new habit that is a baby step towards the end result.

Track your progress
Breaking things down and forming new habits is a process.  Tracking your action through a checklist, sticker chart (yes, they work for adults too), spreadsheet, or whatever works for you will help you gauge your progress.  Notice what’s working and what’s not and CELEBRATE the successes you ARE having!  So often my clients will have achieved a really great milestone and gloss right over it.  Stop and celebrate, it will help fuel your momentum and keep you going!

Your Guilt-Free Assignment (should you wish to accept it)
You can either stay overwhelmed and stuck or get moving on your goals.  Here’s what to do if you really want to get moving:
 

1. Choose one goal and break it down.  
2. When you think you have it detailed out, pick the first step and break THAT down further. 
3. Identify one habit that will help you move towards your ultimate goal and implement it 
4. Decide how you will track your progress 
5. Review your results in a week

If you’re still stuck and need some brainstorming or accountability to get and stay in action, join the Big Goals No Guilt facebook community.  You'll find additional resources and video messages to help keep you moving toward your goal!

About the Author
Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach, helps professional women accomplish big goals guilt-free, Feeling frustrated and overwhelmed? Get free resources for increasing your time and reducing stress so you can accomplish YOUR big goal at http://www.theguiltfreecoach.com.

3 Keys to Getting and Staying in Action © 2009, 2010 Victoria Cook. All Rights Reserved.

Act with Speed

When working on a big goal, we sometimes get caught up in the details and stuck in analysis paralysis.  Take a look at this quick bit of video encouragement to act with speed! 

Need a jump start to get started on YOUR big goal?  Visit www.TheGuiltFreeCoach.com/30days and register for my 30 Day Challenge!

Are You Living Life Your Way?

By Victoria Cook , The Guilt-Free Coach 

Having it your way shouldn’t be reserved just for Burger King® orders. At least that’s what a previous client, Bob*, thought when we began working together on a career change. From an outsider’s view, Bob looked to have achieved great success. He had worked a large part of his career for a Fortune 500 company, “climbed the corporate ladder” to a prestigious position, was well respected, and earned a handsome salary. While Bob had a “good job”, he was left with the feeling that something was missing from his current success. It was also apparent to him that his security was becoming unstable due to company mergers and impending downsizing. After my initial consultation with Bob, it was clear that he didn’t just want to find a similar position with another company. He was looking for more meaningful work that would better use his skills and allow him to more fully live his values.

We began by capturing his unique definition of success and articulating his core set of values. We also clearly defined his vision for this next stage of his career. A bit of brainstorming revealed a short list of potential careers or businesses he would have a serious interest in pursuing that matched both his values and career criteria. He was on his way!

During the first few months of our work together, we built his belief in attaining his vision, identified strategies for overcoming obstacles, and created a strategic plan for its accomplishment. He conducted several informational interviews with successful people in the various careers and businesses of interest and narrowed down his selection. In just 3 short months, Bob decided on his new career and enrolled in the additional schooling required to make it a reality. He was renewed with energy and excitement for a more challenging and brighter future.

It has been over 3 years since the beginning of Bob’s journey, and I’m happy to share that his vision is coming to fruition. Through our coaching together he has been able to transition to working in his new business full-time and revenues are already up 41% over his first year.

Bob’s story is not unique. In a corporate climate of constant change, executives and professionals alike are looking for new paths. Generation Xers are looking for more rewarding work; Baby Boomers are trying to figure out what’s next; and many others are struggling to find greater balance between work and home life.

Coaching is a tool successful people use to build their businesses, enhance their careers and live life THEIR way! According to INFOWORLD, “Anybody who actively wants to move up in a company, make their job easier, have more fun, have more personal time, and still excel in their job needs a coach.”

When working with a coach, clients can expect to attain their goals much more quickly and efficiently than they would on their own, have greater work-life balance, increase the clarity and focus of what matters most in their lives and enhance their personal and professional satisfaction. In short, a coach enables and encourages you to live life YOUR way! What does that look like for YOU? What's keeping you from getting there? Need some help?  Visit my website to learn the various ways in which we can work together or contact me at 847-516-0190 to discuss how coaching can help you begin living life YOUR WAY!

About the Author
Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach, helps professional women accomplish big goals guilt-free, Feeling frustrated and overwhelmed? Get free resources for increasing your time and reducing stress so you can accomplish YOUR big goal at http://www.theguiltfreecoach.com.

Are You Living Life Your Way? © 2005 - 2009 Victoria Cook. All rights reserved.